Sometimes I just want to push the pause button on life.
Have a breather, go to the bathroom, make some popcorn and then come back and push play.
Have a breather, go to the bathroom, make some popcorn and then come back and push play.
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
Friday, May 9, 2014
Grandma
I don't know why we didn't know my grandmothers names but growing up we called them Grandma George or Grandma Archie. Only now do I wonder how this came about. How did we start calling them by their husbands names? How odd this seems to me now.
Thinking about it I don't remember calling Grandpa George, grandpa George. I grew up with only one living grandpa, so did my parents tell us as kids Grandpa George to help us remember.
Both sets of grandparents lived on a farm, which growing up we referred equally as going to the farm. Grandma George's was the favourite to go to. This was for many reasons one was my grandfather. He had a kind manner with good hugs. All the grandkids wanted to have time with this kind but gruff old farmer.
Then there was Grandma George, who would no doubt be making or just made homemade bread. We would hope she was just making it...though now thinking back I have a feeling she may have put a portion of dough aside for us. If she was making bread we would get a portion to make into dough people, and most likely to eat half of it prior to it being baked. I remember that feeling of your stomache as the unbaked bread expanded inside.
After saying hello we would likely be ushered outside to play with the cousins. The fields were a childs treasure trove. Old farm equipment, that now looks to be torture devices, were our jungle gym. We had the crows nest which I believe was some sort of harvester was one of my favourites. I could get in and out of the grain shute without the worry of being stuck like on some of the others.
There were two things that could only be played on with multiple grandkids. These were the culvert and the "teeter-totter".
With the culvert we would get 6 to 8 of us to rock it slowly and until we could acted like hamsters skirting around the paddock. I remember getting rust bits mixed with dried manure all over me and by the end in my eyes yet it was something we wanted to do.
The teeter-totter would connect to the back of a tractor but didn't rest with the front on the ground like the other pull-alongs. This would allow three or so of us (no more could fit without falling off) to run back and forth on it to create the teeter-totter.
Thinking about it I don't remember calling Grandpa George, grandpa George. I grew up with only one living grandpa, so did my parents tell us as kids Grandpa George to help us remember.
Both sets of grandparents lived on a farm, which growing up we referred equally as going to the farm. Grandma George's was the favourite to go to. This was for many reasons one was my grandfather. He had a kind manner with good hugs. All the grandkids wanted to have time with this kind but gruff old farmer.
Then there was Grandma George, who would no doubt be making or just made homemade bread. We would hope she was just making it...though now thinking back I have a feeling she may have put a portion of dough aside for us. If she was making bread we would get a portion to make into dough people, and most likely to eat half of it prior to it being baked. I remember that feeling of your stomache as the unbaked bread expanded inside.
After saying hello we would likely be ushered outside to play with the cousins. The fields were a childs treasure trove. Old farm equipment, that now looks to be torture devices, were our jungle gym. We had the crows nest which I believe was some sort of harvester was one of my favourites. I could get in and out of the grain shute without the worry of being stuck like on some of the others.
There were two things that could only be played on with multiple grandkids. These were the culvert and the "teeter-totter".
With the culvert we would get 6 to 8 of us to rock it slowly and until we could acted like hamsters skirting around the paddock. I remember getting rust bits mixed with dried manure all over me and by the end in my eyes yet it was something we wanted to do.
The teeter-totter would connect to the back of a tractor but didn't rest with the front on the ground like the other pull-alongs. This would allow three or so of us (no more could fit without falling off) to run back and forth on it to create the teeter-totter.
Friday, May 2, 2014
feeling
That feeling that breathes into your mouth, when a song comes on. A song that takes you for a ride, spins you so fast you get dizzy, and then dips you just for fun. I love that feeling.
Thursday, May 1, 2014
Letting yourself down
I was suppose to be singing tonight.
What I realised is that I am not over my fear yet. I went out for drinks with friends for my birthday prior to heading to sing with a new friend. My friends tried to get me to sing prior to going to sing. That's when I froze, that's when the fear really sunk in. On the 15 minute ride home the tiny speck of fear warped into a full on terror.
How could I possibly sing now?! I probably could have overcome this if it wasn't for the fact that I had to drive my manual car, in the dark, to my friends house!!! Nope, sorry that is in the too hard basket. For those of you that don't know I am not good at driving a manual car. I bought it because I have a goal to be able to drive one. Needless to say I am getting much better but it is still a stressful proposition.
So I let myself down. But that is how life works. I have to write these last two sentences because this is a new realisation for me.
My life is so interesting now because I am a pushover at work. Or that is how people see me. This is soo against the way I see myself and the way that I have been in the past but I think with all this personal growth I have tired of fighting. I have grown weary of having to punch through everything. I don't want to spend my precious energy fighting anymore. It's hard not to feel disappointed in myself, but at the same time I don't want to fight for things that don't matter anymore.
What I realised is that I am not over my fear yet. I went out for drinks with friends for my birthday prior to heading to sing with a new friend. My friends tried to get me to sing prior to going to sing. That's when I froze, that's when the fear really sunk in. On the 15 minute ride home the tiny speck of fear warped into a full on terror.
How could I possibly sing now?! I probably could have overcome this if it wasn't for the fact that I had to drive my manual car, in the dark, to my friends house!!! Nope, sorry that is in the too hard basket. For those of you that don't know I am not good at driving a manual car. I bought it because I have a goal to be able to drive one. Needless to say I am getting much better but it is still a stressful proposition.
So I let myself down. But that is how life works. I have to write these last two sentences because this is a new realisation for me.
My life is so interesting now because I am a pushover at work. Or that is how people see me. This is soo against the way I see myself and the way that I have been in the past but I think with all this personal growth I have tired of fighting. I have grown weary of having to punch through everything. I don't want to spend my precious energy fighting anymore. It's hard not to feel disappointed in myself, but at the same time I don't want to fight for things that don't matter anymore.
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
A new theme
Once again I am back on a mission. This time it is to discover and rediscover things I like to do. The problem with meeting all of my big goals in life so far is that I need to create new goals.
I have always had a giant list of items I have wanted to do and am working towards and suddenly I have found myself at a loss. I had accomplished the big things I had on my list. I was in a new country, with a job and a "new" life but I was missing the goals to push towards.
This being the case I have decided to jump into things I have always wanted to get better at but never took the time to do. One of these is writing...hence posting again. Now is when this blog is going to get interesting. At this stage my only goal is to write most days (not all of it needs to be on the blog). The content does not matter, nor does the spelling or grammer. As this is the goal I have a feeling that you will get a preview into what occurs in my brian. Which is not organised nor linear.
The mini-goal is to post at least once a week (my goal is to write at least a sentence a day outside of work).
This should be fun.
Other crafts/skills I have started to dust off or begin are singing, pottery and playing the saxophone. I feel this creative force that has been laying dormant starting to wake. Like an old lumbering dog it slowing stands and stretches. I can't wait until it starts to bounce around and wag it's tail.
With singing I've realised that I have so much potential I wasn't aware of. Not necessarily my skill at singing but just that I can sing. It made me realise that there are so many things out there that I have placed a self imposed barrier on.
I'm on the search for my next big and small goals. It's really interesting because I'm really trying to identify the person I want to be now instead of looking at external goals. Internal goals are much more touchy and hard to identify. It's easy to point and say your goal is to be a nicer person....but what does that mean? Is it to never say a mean thing? Is it something more attainable like saying Good Morning to every coworker at the beginning of the day? Is it not kicking puppies? (Note: I don't actually kick puppies). So how will I accomplish these impossible tasks? I don't know how about you come back and see.
I have always had a giant list of items I have wanted to do and am working towards and suddenly I have found myself at a loss. I had accomplished the big things I had on my list. I was in a new country, with a job and a "new" life but I was missing the goals to push towards.
This being the case I have decided to jump into things I have always wanted to get better at but never took the time to do. One of these is writing...hence posting again. Now is when this blog is going to get interesting. At this stage my only goal is to write most days (not all of it needs to be on the blog). The content does not matter, nor does the spelling or grammer. As this is the goal I have a feeling that you will get a preview into what occurs in my brian. Which is not organised nor linear.
The mini-goal is to post at least once a week (my goal is to write at least a sentence a day outside of work).
This should be fun.
Other crafts/skills I have started to dust off or begin are singing, pottery and playing the saxophone. I feel this creative force that has been laying dormant starting to wake. Like an old lumbering dog it slowing stands and stretches. I can't wait until it starts to bounce around and wag it's tail.
With singing I've realised that I have so much potential I wasn't aware of. Not necessarily my skill at singing but just that I can sing. It made me realise that there are so many things out there that I have placed a self imposed barrier on.
I'm on the search for my next big and small goals. It's really interesting because I'm really trying to identify the person I want to be now instead of looking at external goals. Internal goals are much more touchy and hard to identify. It's easy to point and say your goal is to be a nicer person....but what does that mean? Is it to never say a mean thing? Is it something more attainable like saying Good Morning to every coworker at the beginning of the day? Is it not kicking puppies? (Note: I don't actually kick puppies). So how will I accomplish these impossible tasks? I don't know how about you come back and see.
Sunday, December 8, 2013
A (almost) daily item to be grateful for
| 10/05/12 | I'm grateful for my own room! |
| 11/05/12 | I'm grateful for meeting new friends. |
| 12/05/12 | I'm grateful for books |
| 13/05/12 | I'm grateful for non-family family |
| 14/05/12 | I'm grateful for sunny days lounging on the sofa |
| 15/05/12 | I'm grateful for other people cooking dinner |
| 16/05/12 | I'm grateful for cuddles |
| 17/05/12 | I'm grateful for 0.7 mm...and no surgery |
| 18/05/12 | I'm grateful for friends who review CV's |
| 19/05/12 | I'm grateful for live rugby games |
| 20/05/12 | I'm grateful for bike polo |
| 21/05/12 | I'm grateful for calls back from recruitment agencies |
| 22/05/12 | I'm grateful for cats stealing socks and thinking they're sneaky |
| 23/05/12 | I'm grateful for free knitting needles |
| 24/05/12 | I'm grateful for kindle smartphone app |
| 25/05/12 | I'm grateful for cutting my own food |
| 26/05/12 | I'm grateful for indian grocery stores |
| 27/05/12 | I'm grateful for meeting people that remind you of your worth |
| 28/05/12 | I'm grateful for taking first steps |
| 29/05/12 | I'm grateful for making new friends |
| 30/05/12 | I'm grateful for warm blankets |
| 31/05/12 | I'm grateful for the first shower after getting my cast off |
| 01/06/12 | I'm grateful for getting rides home |
| 02/06/12 | I'm grateful for making new bike friends |
| 03/06/12 | I'm grateful for talking bikes for hours |
| 04/06/12 | I'm grateful for friends smiling at me |
| 05/06/12 | I'm grateful for physio's |
| 06/06/12 | I'm grateful for wood fires |
| 07/06/12 | I'm grateful for getting asked to interview for a job |
| 08/06/12 | I'm grateful for fireworks |
| 09/06/12 | I'm grateful for film festivals |
| 10/06/12 | I'm grateful for knitting |
| 11/06/12 | I'm grateful for soups in winter |
| 12/06/12 | I'm grateful for being in NZ |
| 13/06/12 | I'm grateful for being okayed to bike again |
| 14/06/12 | I'm grateful for having more than one interview lined up |
| 15/06/12 | I'm grateful for dinner w the ladies |
| 16/06/12 | I'm grateful for not falling on my arm when I fell |
| 17/06/12 | I'm grateful for finishing a knitting project |
| 18/06/12 | I'm grateful for my dad |
| 19/06/12 | I'm grateful for chocolate |
| 20/06/12 | I'm grateful for meals w friends |
| 21/06/12 | I'm grateful for new opportunities |
| 22/06/12 | I'm grateful for interesting companies |
| 23/06/12 | I'm grateful for audiobooks |
| 24/06/12 | I'm grateful for continuing new routines |
| 25/06/12 | I'm grateful for coffee with friends |
| 26/06/12 | I'm grateful for hope |
| 27/06/12 | I'm grateful for playing with a cat |
| 28/06/12 | I'm grateful for talking to old friends |
| 29/06/12 | I'm grateful for sunny days |
| 30/06/12 | I'm grateful for naps |
| 01/07/12 | I'm grateful for ear muffs |
| 02/07/12 | I'm grateful for having two job offers |
| 03/07/12 | I'm grateful for signing an employment contract |
| 04/07/12 | I'm grateful for fourth of july celebration |
| 05/07/12 | I'm grateful for catching up with old friends |
| 06/07/12 | I'm grateful for buying new shoes |
| 07/07/12 | I'm grateful for bars w good beer |
| 08/07/12 | I'm grateful for lazy days watching movies |
| 09/07/12 | I'm grateful for mini golf |
| 10/07/12 | I'm grateful for coming back to my own bed |
| 11/07/12 | I'm grateful for new jobs |
| 12/07/12 | I'm grateful for drinks w new friends |
| 13/07/12 | I'm grateful for drinking a beer at lunch at work |
| 14/07/12 | I'm grateful for bar platters |
| 15/07/12 | I'm grateful for my own polo bike |
| 16/07/12 | I'm grateful for workshops going smoothly |
| 17/07/12 | I'm grateful for getting a work phone |
| 18/07/12 | I'm grateful for walks around the block |
| 19/07/12 | I'm grateful for using my brain |
| 20/07/12 | I'm grateful for knackering myself out via bike polo |
| 21/07/12 | I'm grateful for unexpected kisses |
| 22/07/12 | I'm grateful for baking cookies |
| 23/07/12 | I'm grateful for buying a book |
| 24/07/12 | I'm grateful for dogs coming to the office |
| 25/07/12 | I'm grateful for dirt cake |
| 26/07/12 | I'm grateful for running partners |
| 27/07/12 | I'm grateful for having something click |
| 28/07/12 | I'm grateful for red wine w a girlfriend |
| 29/07/12 | I'm grateful for chatting about blueberry picking |
| 30/07/12 | I'm grateful for coffee |
| 31/07/12 | I'm grateful for pushing into a headwind |
| 01/08/12 | I'm grateful for temps |
| 02/08/12 | I'm grateful for winning poker |
| 03/08/12 | I'm grateful for platters of food |
| 04/08/12 | I'm grateful for fat kid days |
| 05/08/12 | I'm grateful for cooking all day |
| 06/08/12 | I'm grateful for slowly getting up to speed |
| 07/08/12 | I'm grateful for smiles |
| 08/08/12 | I'm grateful for personal development |
| 09/08/12 | I'm grateful for live music |
| 10/08/12 | I'm grateful for being comfortable at someones home |
| 11/08/12 | I'm grateful for beautiful eyes |
| 12/08/12 | I'm grateful for staying up late with friends |
| 13/08/12 | I'm grateful for friends reaching milestones in being cancer free |
| 14/08/12 | I'm grateful for exciting new job opportunities |
| 15/08/12 | I'm grateful for peppermint slices |
| 16/08/12 | I'm grateful for getting stuff done 21/9 weekends w the ladies 22/9 walks in the sun 23/9 pictures at the hot pools 24/9 denial 25/9 surprise interviews 26/9 pub quiz 27/9 new job offers 28/9 quitting jobs 29/9 reading while petting the cat 30/9 feeling free 1/10 not having to go to work 2/10 relaxation 3/10 cooking 4/10 getting defense in polo 5/10 mtbing 6/10 girls lunch 7/10 laying in the sun 8/10 new jobs 9/10 going to the movies 10/10 a man i cant keep my hands off 11/10 green on green on green bikes 12/10 spring weather 13/10 baking on a rainy day 14/10 sunday polo 15/10 biking to work 16/10 movie nights in 17/10 ladies dinners 18/10 new bars 19/10 seeing the stars at lake tekapo 20/12 lazy mornings 19/12 bike pub crawl 18/12 not getting rained on while biking to work 17/12 16/12 picnic in the garden 15/12 first ride on new bike 14/12 pizza and polo 13/12 12/12 21/12 the world not ending 22/12 straight guy friends in dresses 23/12 rediscovering old bikes (mabel) 24/12 talking w family 25/12 gingerdead men 26/12 nice hotela that let u camp for free 27/12 friends getting attacked by eels (w no injuries) 28/12 waking up near a river in a beautiful place 29/12 dresses 30/12 geeky conversations 31/12 standing in line for ice cream at new years 01/01/13 mason lodges as homes 02/01 custard squares 03/01 mayfield thrift shop 04/01 getting home 05/01 having feelings 06/01 libraries 07/01 music in parks 08/01 speaking to brothers 09/01 cooking naan bread 10/01 midweek polo 11/01 sunny lunches 12/01 baking sprees 13/01 watching bike races 14/01 vege sloppy joes 15/01 16/01 17/01 germans arriving 18/01 busker fest 19/01 sleeping in shade w the cat 20/01 shopping 21/01 seeing friends 22/01 23/01 music at lunch 24/01 knitting stripes 25/01getting drunken at a new pub 26/01shooting clay pigeons 27/01saving goals 28/01 dinner w good conversations 29/01 one step forward 30/01 31/01 01/02 - wearing purple pants to work 02/02 - crafting outside on a beautiful day 03/02 - driving a manual and not crashing 04/02 - nice warm rain to bike home in 05/02 days prior to holidays 06/02 deconstruting clothes 07/02 almost being done with a project you dont like 08/02 my coworkers 09/02 picnics in the sun 10/02 seeing new travellers and the excitement they have 11/02 12/02 13/02 14/02 15/02 giant mallet handles 16/02 andrew keegan concert 17/02 finding an asian vegetable i didnt know the name of prior 18/02 going caving w coworkers 19/02 riding a bike i havent in a while 20/02 seeing a newly built bike 21/02 finishing projects 22/02 trying new foods at morning tea 23/02 beer festivals 24/02 fresh corn on the cob 25/02 moose topiaries 26/02 movement on my visa 27/02 28/02 fridays 01/03 someone cutting me off and then saying sorry 02/03 finishing a craft project 03/03 having a completely clean room 04/03 see lorna 05/03 see rox and tom 06/03 epic sight seeing 07/03 being able to get out of garages through through doors because of beingon bikes 08/03 bike pub crawls 09/03 patient people 10/03 flower shows 11/03 having a dinner party at my place 12/03 having friends do favors 13/03 random polo people 14/03 15/03 half day Friday 16/03 polo tourny 17/03 watching bike polo 18/03 verifing im sick and going home to sleep 19/03 being able to eat solid foods 20/03 cooking up a storm 21/03 sunny lunch breaks 22/03 handing in passports for residency visa 23/03 shopping 24/03 wearing new clothes 25/03 shirts that make me giggle 26/03 baking using items from my tree 27/03 getting my residency 28/03 afternoon meetings being canceled prior to a holiday 29/03 beautiful days 30/03 finding interesting new websites 31/03 picnics w friends 01/04 many small pizzas 02/04 talking to Mikenna 03/04 having acquaintance's 04/04 surprise birthday breakfast on not my birthday 05/04 concerts 06/04 dinners and drinks 07/04 lunch and catching up 08/04 productive days 09/04 finalising plans 10/04 11/04 walking for lunch 12/04 coffee 13/04 going out for dinner 14/04 seeing kites flying 15/04 presents 16/04 17/04 18/04 confusion 19/04 drinking 20/04 rugby w the girls 21/04 having friends stop by 22/04 finishing books 23/04 friends who will listen to me bitch 24/04 remembering to breath 25/04 bird themes 26/04 feeding out 27/04 cupcakes and Champagne 28/04 birthday wishes |
Monday, May 27, 2013
General Update
Realised I haven't posted for awhile. Partly because I am no longer travelling I feel like people will not be that interested but will give an update anyway.
Still living in Christchurch where I am slowly getting my feet under me. I forgot how much effort it takes to when you move to a new place to get involved. Luckily I have some good friends who are keen for new experiences and bring me along for the fun. This month has been quite busy starting a pilates class, sewing class and finding out about the local Rotary Club to see if I want to be a member of that. Work people also have organised a weekly climbing night so have something on most nights.
Also, looking at welding courses so I can start making custom bike frames. Darryl is starting to make one soon for one of the polo guys and I know as soon as he starts I'm going to be super jealous and want to make one as well. But the course will have to wait until I'm back from the USA as pretty busy prior to that.
I also am helping to organise a bike polo tournament. This is quite a lot of effort along with the other items and planning my trip home in July. Though I like being busy and it reminds me of how I used to be.
We've been really lucky and had some great people come and stay with us over the past months. This is always nice as it's good to share our home and the guest have been a range of new to old friends. The most recent visitors have been travelling for 6 months so they were quite happy to be able to bake and have a kitchen which we got all the benefit from (yummy yummy food). Excited to have 3 more coming over the weekend.
Still enjoying having a home and one place to stay. Though I'm looking forward to to going home and getting some travelling in when I'm back.
Still living in Christchurch where I am slowly getting my feet under me. I forgot how much effort it takes to when you move to a new place to get involved. Luckily I have some good friends who are keen for new experiences and bring me along for the fun. This month has been quite busy starting a pilates class, sewing class and finding out about the local Rotary Club to see if I want to be a member of that. Work people also have organised a weekly climbing night so have something on most nights.
Also, looking at welding courses so I can start making custom bike frames. Darryl is starting to make one soon for one of the polo guys and I know as soon as he starts I'm going to be super jealous and want to make one as well. But the course will have to wait until I'm back from the USA as pretty busy prior to that.
I also am helping to organise a bike polo tournament. This is quite a lot of effort along with the other items and planning my trip home in July. Though I like being busy and it reminds me of how I used to be.
We've been really lucky and had some great people come and stay with us over the past months. This is always nice as it's good to share our home and the guest have been a range of new to old friends. The most recent visitors have been travelling for 6 months so they were quite happy to be able to bake and have a kitchen which we got all the benefit from (yummy yummy food). Excited to have 3 more coming over the weekend.
Still enjoying having a home and one place to stay. Though I'm looking forward to to going home and getting some travelling in when I'm back.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)