I had a very interesting first job experience in New Zealand. I went against my instincts and took employment with a company that sounded like it had a great cultural environment. Even though I had that little feeling that said things were amiss I accepted the role. I took the amiss feeling to be because people were under time constraints.
Only later would I see the mistake. By that time it was too late. I was entrenched in an psychologically abusive relationship....but it was not in a personal relationship. It was at work. I just managed to disentangle myself from the situation and I am grateful.
This experience has taught me many, many things. The first being a deep sorrow for people in abusive relationships, especially if they are emotional/verbal. As in this type of relationship you feel like you are making a big deal out of nothing and start to question your sanity and self worth without the evidence of bruises. I literally felt some days that I must be in an experiment because there was no way that these things could happen in real life.
My boss would chip away at people everyday. Using different methods of control. The interesting thing was that he was causing us not to be productive at work but didn't have the confidence to let us work on our own. He used techniques of intimidation, manipulation, degradation, isolation, humiliation and others to keep us under his control.
I was lucky that I am single with a knack for saving which would have allowed me to quit when I wanted except that I didn't have any contacts and would have been slandered if I would have left prior to finding a new job.
I know some of you may say "All bosses are bad" but the following quote was something he said to the office one morning "Last night I had a dream that I was stabbing someone......and I REALLY liked it". Intimidated anyone? NUTTER!
On top of items such as the above statement, there were thousands of little things he did which were meant to slowly break a person. From attacking the things people loved, to dismissing ideas without reason, to creating conflicts, to degrading people in front of others, to only asking for feedback in open forums so he never received negative feedback....and the list goes on. These are not acceptable behaviors.
I hope that none of you find yourself in a situation like this but if you do, have strength! It is difficult but you can do it...you can get away and be happy again. IT IS POSSIBLE!
I've shared this because after living through it I believe there are a lot of people out there that are stuck in a situation and can not free themselves...or worse do not see that it is not them, but the other person who is wrong.
Only later would I see the mistake. By that time it was too late. I was entrenched in an psychologically abusive relationship....but it was not in a personal relationship. It was at work. I just managed to disentangle myself from the situation and I am grateful.
This experience has taught me many, many things. The first being a deep sorrow for people in abusive relationships, especially if they are emotional/verbal. As in this type of relationship you feel like you are making a big deal out of nothing and start to question your sanity and self worth without the evidence of bruises. I literally felt some days that I must be in an experiment because there was no way that these things could happen in real life.
My boss would chip away at people everyday. Using different methods of control. The interesting thing was that he was causing us not to be productive at work but didn't have the confidence to let us work on our own. He used techniques of intimidation, manipulation, degradation, isolation, humiliation and others to keep us under his control.
I was lucky that I am single with a knack for saving which would have allowed me to quit when I wanted except that I didn't have any contacts and would have been slandered if I would have left prior to finding a new job.
I know some of you may say "All bosses are bad" but the following quote was something he said to the office one morning "Last night I had a dream that I was stabbing someone......and I REALLY liked it". Intimidated anyone? NUTTER!
On top of items such as the above statement, there were thousands of little things he did which were meant to slowly break a person. From attacking the things people loved, to dismissing ideas without reason, to creating conflicts, to degrading people in front of others, to only asking for feedback in open forums so he never received negative feedback....and the list goes on. These are not acceptable behaviors.
I hope that none of you find yourself in a situation like this but if you do, have strength! It is difficult but you can do it...you can get away and be happy again. IT IS POSSIBLE!
I've shared this because after living through it I believe there are a lot of people out there that are stuck in a situation and can not free themselves...or worse do not see that it is not them, but the other person who is wrong.
