Sometimes I just want to push the pause button on life.
Have a breather, go to the bathroom, make some popcorn and then come back and push play.
Have a breather, go to the bathroom, make some popcorn and then come back and push play.
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
Friday, May 9, 2014
Grandma
I don't know why we didn't know my grandmothers names but growing up we called them Grandma George or Grandma Archie. Only now do I wonder how this came about. How did we start calling them by their husbands names? How odd this seems to me now.
Thinking about it I don't remember calling Grandpa George, grandpa George. I grew up with only one living grandpa, so did my parents tell us as kids Grandpa George to help us remember.
Both sets of grandparents lived on a farm, which growing up we referred equally as going to the farm. Grandma George's was the favourite to go to. This was for many reasons one was my grandfather. He had a kind manner with good hugs. All the grandkids wanted to have time with this kind but gruff old farmer.
Then there was Grandma George, who would no doubt be making or just made homemade bread. We would hope she was just making it...though now thinking back I have a feeling she may have put a portion of dough aside for us. If she was making bread we would get a portion to make into dough people, and most likely to eat half of it prior to it being baked. I remember that feeling of your stomache as the unbaked bread expanded inside.
After saying hello we would likely be ushered outside to play with the cousins. The fields were a childs treasure trove. Old farm equipment, that now looks to be torture devices, were our jungle gym. We had the crows nest which I believe was some sort of harvester was one of my favourites. I could get in and out of the grain shute without the worry of being stuck like on some of the others.
There were two things that could only be played on with multiple grandkids. These were the culvert and the "teeter-totter".
With the culvert we would get 6 to 8 of us to rock it slowly and until we could acted like hamsters skirting around the paddock. I remember getting rust bits mixed with dried manure all over me and by the end in my eyes yet it was something we wanted to do.
The teeter-totter would connect to the back of a tractor but didn't rest with the front on the ground like the other pull-alongs. This would allow three or so of us (no more could fit without falling off) to run back and forth on it to create the teeter-totter.
Thinking about it I don't remember calling Grandpa George, grandpa George. I grew up with only one living grandpa, so did my parents tell us as kids Grandpa George to help us remember.
Both sets of grandparents lived on a farm, which growing up we referred equally as going to the farm. Grandma George's was the favourite to go to. This was for many reasons one was my grandfather. He had a kind manner with good hugs. All the grandkids wanted to have time with this kind but gruff old farmer.
Then there was Grandma George, who would no doubt be making or just made homemade bread. We would hope she was just making it...though now thinking back I have a feeling she may have put a portion of dough aside for us. If she was making bread we would get a portion to make into dough people, and most likely to eat half of it prior to it being baked. I remember that feeling of your stomache as the unbaked bread expanded inside.
After saying hello we would likely be ushered outside to play with the cousins. The fields were a childs treasure trove. Old farm equipment, that now looks to be torture devices, were our jungle gym. We had the crows nest which I believe was some sort of harvester was one of my favourites. I could get in and out of the grain shute without the worry of being stuck like on some of the others.
There were two things that could only be played on with multiple grandkids. These were the culvert and the "teeter-totter".
With the culvert we would get 6 to 8 of us to rock it slowly and until we could acted like hamsters skirting around the paddock. I remember getting rust bits mixed with dried manure all over me and by the end in my eyes yet it was something we wanted to do.
The teeter-totter would connect to the back of a tractor but didn't rest with the front on the ground like the other pull-alongs. This would allow three or so of us (no more could fit without falling off) to run back and forth on it to create the teeter-totter.
Friday, May 2, 2014
feeling
That feeling that breathes into your mouth, when a song comes on. A song that takes you for a ride, spins you so fast you get dizzy, and then dips you just for fun. I love that feeling.
Thursday, May 1, 2014
Letting yourself down
I was suppose to be singing tonight.
What I realised is that I am not over my fear yet. I went out for drinks with friends for my birthday prior to heading to sing with a new friend. My friends tried to get me to sing prior to going to sing. That's when I froze, that's when the fear really sunk in. On the 15 minute ride home the tiny speck of fear warped into a full on terror.
How could I possibly sing now?! I probably could have overcome this if it wasn't for the fact that I had to drive my manual car, in the dark, to my friends house!!! Nope, sorry that is in the too hard basket. For those of you that don't know I am not good at driving a manual car. I bought it because I have a goal to be able to drive one. Needless to say I am getting much better but it is still a stressful proposition.
So I let myself down. But that is how life works. I have to write these last two sentences because this is a new realisation for me.
My life is so interesting now because I am a pushover at work. Or that is how people see me. This is soo against the way I see myself and the way that I have been in the past but I think with all this personal growth I have tired of fighting. I have grown weary of having to punch through everything. I don't want to spend my precious energy fighting anymore. It's hard not to feel disappointed in myself, but at the same time I don't want to fight for things that don't matter anymore.
What I realised is that I am not over my fear yet. I went out for drinks with friends for my birthday prior to heading to sing with a new friend. My friends tried to get me to sing prior to going to sing. That's when I froze, that's when the fear really sunk in. On the 15 minute ride home the tiny speck of fear warped into a full on terror.
How could I possibly sing now?! I probably could have overcome this if it wasn't for the fact that I had to drive my manual car, in the dark, to my friends house!!! Nope, sorry that is in the too hard basket. For those of you that don't know I am not good at driving a manual car. I bought it because I have a goal to be able to drive one. Needless to say I am getting much better but it is still a stressful proposition.
So I let myself down. But that is how life works. I have to write these last two sentences because this is a new realisation for me.
My life is so interesting now because I am a pushover at work. Or that is how people see me. This is soo against the way I see myself and the way that I have been in the past but I think with all this personal growth I have tired of fighting. I have grown weary of having to punch through everything. I don't want to spend my precious energy fighting anymore. It's hard not to feel disappointed in myself, but at the same time I don't want to fight for things that don't matter anymore.
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
A new theme
Once again I am back on a mission. This time it is to discover and rediscover things I like to do. The problem with meeting all of my big goals in life so far is that I need to create new goals.
I have always had a giant list of items I have wanted to do and am working towards and suddenly I have found myself at a loss. I had accomplished the big things I had on my list. I was in a new country, with a job and a "new" life but I was missing the goals to push towards.
This being the case I have decided to jump into things I have always wanted to get better at but never took the time to do. One of these is writing...hence posting again. Now is when this blog is going to get interesting. At this stage my only goal is to write most days (not all of it needs to be on the blog). The content does not matter, nor does the spelling or grammer. As this is the goal I have a feeling that you will get a preview into what occurs in my brian. Which is not organised nor linear.
The mini-goal is to post at least once a week (my goal is to write at least a sentence a day outside of work).
This should be fun.
Other crafts/skills I have started to dust off or begin are singing, pottery and playing the saxophone. I feel this creative force that has been laying dormant starting to wake. Like an old lumbering dog it slowing stands and stretches. I can't wait until it starts to bounce around and wag it's tail.
With singing I've realised that I have so much potential I wasn't aware of. Not necessarily my skill at singing but just that I can sing. It made me realise that there are so many things out there that I have placed a self imposed barrier on.
I'm on the search for my next big and small goals. It's really interesting because I'm really trying to identify the person I want to be now instead of looking at external goals. Internal goals are much more touchy and hard to identify. It's easy to point and say your goal is to be a nicer person....but what does that mean? Is it to never say a mean thing? Is it something more attainable like saying Good Morning to every coworker at the beginning of the day? Is it not kicking puppies? (Note: I don't actually kick puppies). So how will I accomplish these impossible tasks? I don't know how about you come back and see.
I have always had a giant list of items I have wanted to do and am working towards and suddenly I have found myself at a loss. I had accomplished the big things I had on my list. I was in a new country, with a job and a "new" life but I was missing the goals to push towards.
This being the case I have decided to jump into things I have always wanted to get better at but never took the time to do. One of these is writing...hence posting again. Now is when this blog is going to get interesting. At this stage my only goal is to write most days (not all of it needs to be on the blog). The content does not matter, nor does the spelling or grammer. As this is the goal I have a feeling that you will get a preview into what occurs in my brian. Which is not organised nor linear.
The mini-goal is to post at least once a week (my goal is to write at least a sentence a day outside of work).
This should be fun.
Other crafts/skills I have started to dust off or begin are singing, pottery and playing the saxophone. I feel this creative force that has been laying dormant starting to wake. Like an old lumbering dog it slowing stands and stretches. I can't wait until it starts to bounce around and wag it's tail.
With singing I've realised that I have so much potential I wasn't aware of. Not necessarily my skill at singing but just that I can sing. It made me realise that there are so many things out there that I have placed a self imposed barrier on.
I'm on the search for my next big and small goals. It's really interesting because I'm really trying to identify the person I want to be now instead of looking at external goals. Internal goals are much more touchy and hard to identify. It's easy to point and say your goal is to be a nicer person....but what does that mean? Is it to never say a mean thing? Is it something more attainable like saying Good Morning to every coworker at the beginning of the day? Is it not kicking puppies? (Note: I don't actually kick puppies). So how will I accomplish these impossible tasks? I don't know how about you come back and see.
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