I was suppose to be singing tonight.
What I realised is that I am not over my fear yet. I went out for drinks with friends for my birthday prior to heading to sing with a new friend. My friends tried to get me to sing prior to going to sing. That's when I froze, that's when the fear really sunk in. On the 15 minute ride home the tiny speck of fear warped into a full on terror.
How could I possibly sing now?! I probably could have overcome this if it wasn't for the fact that I had to drive my manual car, in the dark, to my friends house!!! Nope, sorry that is in the too hard basket. For those of you that don't know I am not good at driving a manual car. I bought it because I have a goal to be able to drive one. Needless to say I am getting much better but it is still a stressful proposition.
So I let myself down. But that is how life works. I have to write these last two sentences because this is a new realisation for me.
My life is so interesting now because I am a pushover at work. Or that is how people see me. This is soo against the way I see myself and the way that I have been in the past but I think with all this personal growth I have tired of fighting. I have grown weary of having to punch through everything. I don't want to spend my precious energy fighting anymore. It's hard not to feel disappointed in myself, but at the same time I don't want to fight for things that don't matter anymore.
What I realised is that I am not over my fear yet. I went out for drinks with friends for my birthday prior to heading to sing with a new friend. My friends tried to get me to sing prior to going to sing. That's when I froze, that's when the fear really sunk in. On the 15 minute ride home the tiny speck of fear warped into a full on terror.
How could I possibly sing now?! I probably could have overcome this if it wasn't for the fact that I had to drive my manual car, in the dark, to my friends house!!! Nope, sorry that is in the too hard basket. For those of you that don't know I am not good at driving a manual car. I bought it because I have a goal to be able to drive one. Needless to say I am getting much better but it is still a stressful proposition.
So I let myself down. But that is how life works. I have to write these last two sentences because this is a new realisation for me.
My life is so interesting now because I am a pushover at work. Or that is how people see me. This is soo against the way I see myself and the way that I have been in the past but I think with all this personal growth I have tired of fighting. I have grown weary of having to punch through everything. I don't want to spend my precious energy fighting anymore. It's hard not to feel disappointed in myself, but at the same time I don't want to fight for things that don't matter anymore.
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